Lite98, 9.19.12
Parent Talk
Liz Pearce

 Extreme temper tantrums. Strange eating habits.  Rude comments. Shocking clothing choices. Ring a bell at your house?

 
One of the toughest questions I hear is, “Is this normal?” and I rarely have an easy answer. If “normal” means average, then a person has to look at a child’s age, temperament and environment before even scratching the surface on what is “normal”. Some of the time, when a parent asks if a behavior is normal, it points to an underlying feeling, usually unease, with how things are going in day to day life. Most of the time, parents know exactly what is going on with their child, and need validation and resources.

 

Parents may wonder if their child is normal when they consider:

  • how the child is developing – are milestones being met?
  • the emotional well-being of the child – does the child experience lots of distress?
  • what the child says, thinks, and feels – how does the child perceive the world?
  • how the child acts - for example, eating and sleeping patterns, behavior at school, getting along with family and friends, or coping with stress

For example, developmental milestones are often listed in parenting books and magazines to give parents and caregivers several guidelines for growth. These behaviors or skills may be achieved over a range of months, such as waving bye-bye, walking, talking, etc. If children do not achieve these skills within that range of months, most likely, the child will achieve the skill, but we as parents may become overly concerned.

 

In the preschool and early elementary years, parents may become concerned when children exhibit frequent temper tantrums and oppositional behavior. During the middle school and adolescent years, milestones are achieved as well. Moving toward independence, for example, can be seen behaviorally as occasions of rudeness. Testing rules and limits, such as telling white lies, or stretching the truth, is another developmental milestone, and completely normal.

 

When should parents be concerned enough to seek help?

 

If a behavior "problem" often lasts more than 3 months, happens in more than one place consistently, and appears as a pattern such as:

  • Marked decline in school performance.
  • Regular refusal to go to school, go to sleep or take part in activities that are indicated for the child's age.
  • Persistent disobedience or aggression (longer than 6 months) and provocative opposition to authority figures.
  • Inability to cope with problems and daily activities.
  • Marked changes in sleeping and/or eating habits.
  • Threats of self-harm or harm to others.

If you believe your child is not developing well, trust your instincts and get additional advice. The earlier you can uncover hurdles, the easier it will be to move past them.  You know your child – listen to your inner voice!

 If you need more help please let Commonwealth Parenting Help you!

Call them at 545-1928