Liz Pearce
Director of Parent Engagement Children’s Museum of Richmond
Did you know the word “tantrum” has been around since the early 1700s? Even our founding fathers and mothers were dealing with tantrums.
But think about this – when your computer is acting up and you can’t get anything to work, or you are trying to program your DVR, or trying to put your kids bicycle together with 11 million parts – that same frustration you feel, they do too. We have the awareness that there are better ways to express ourselves. Kids don’t!
The facts:
- Tantrums generally begin around age 12-18 months, get worse between 2 and 3 years, then decrease rapidly until age 4, after which they should be seldom seen.
- Being tired, hungry, or sick can make tantrums worse or more frequent.
- Tantrums are the result of high energy and low ability to use words to get needs or wants met.
- Most children throw tantrums in a particular place with a particular person.
- Up to 83 percent of all 2- to 4-year-olds have occasional temper tantrums. (And I don't think the other 16 percent are telling the whole truth!)
What to do:
- Call it what you want, just don’t call attention to it. Temper tantrums are ultimately an attention-seeking behavior. Try to ignore the behavior. As long as the child is safe and not being destructive, walking away to another room in the house may shorten the episode because now the drama has no audience.
- If the child follows you and continues the tantrum, do not talk or react until the behavior stops. Then, calmly discuss the issue and offer acceptable alternatives without giving in to their demand.
- Learn to deal with your own anger. Remember – we are our kids’ best and first teachers. If they see us getting angry, but then cooling down, they will realize they have options. Example: "I'm so angry at you right now for dumping your cereal all over the clean floor, I feel like hitting something. But I don't hit, so I'm going to leave and come back when I've calmed down."
- Teach children about different levels of anger. By using different words to describe the intensity of angry feelings (e.g., annoyed, aggravated, irritated, frustrated, angry, furious, enraged), children as young as 2 1/2 can learn to understand that anger is a complex emotion with different levels of energy.
- Notice, compliment and reward appropriate behavior. Teaching your child what to do instead of punishing what not to do is much more effective.
- Set clear limits for anger management, appropriate for your child's age, abilities, and temperament. Example, for younger children: "While I want you to know it's OK to feel angry, it's not OK to hit others!"
- Make sure that your child eats and sleeps at his or her usual times. If your child no longer takes a nap, it is still important to have some quiet time. Lying down for 15-20 minutes or resting with you while you read stories together at regular times of the day can help prevent tantrums.
*** The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that you call your pediatrician if:
- Tantrums get worse after age 4
- Your child injures himself or herself or others or destroys property during tantrums
- Your child holds his or her breath during tantrums, especially if he or she faints
- Your child also has nightmares, reversal of toilet training, headaches, stomachaches, refuses to eat or go to bed, anxiety, or excessive clinging to parents
Need some additional help? Call the Tip line at Commonwealth Parenting...they can help with no judgements! 545-1928 or visit their website Here!
