Good to see you again...reconnecting with your child

Lite98, 2.1.12
Parent Talk
Liz Pearce

Have you seen the lists going around on Facebook, such as “20 Things to teach your daughters”, “Rules for Sons” and “Before they Leave Home”? The lists seem to make sense, and we can hardly disagree with “Teach your daughter to be strong and confident” or “Teach him to have manners”. Other lists suggest:

  • ·        Teach them to play guitar
  • ·        Find the book that makes her love reading
  • ·        Visit each state in our country
  • ·        Be there for them when their hearts get broken.

I’ve read through these lists with interest. Some items I could check off as “Done”, many others were still on the list. If I kept reading for too long, I became overwhelmed. There are a lot of “To Do’s” on those lists for Pete’s sake! Maybe we should just start with reconnecting.

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s far too easy to lose our connection with our children. I would bet the recent news stories involving teen violence might include the risk-factor of lack of connection to a grown-up.   Many times when we find we are yelling a lot, anxious and overly sensitive around our children, it just may be that we need to reconnect. Our children need to have strong connections to us, or they can feel “untethered” and the responsibility of raising themselves can be too much. Making strong connections with your child leads to better brain development as well, not just in the early years, but through elementary school, and middle school, as well.  

Here are some ideas to consider and a few starting points:

  1. Reconnecting with your child doesn’t mean you have to abandon all other daily routines and chores. Groceries must be purchased, laundry must be folded, jobs must be kept. Take small steps.
  2. Make Eye Contact – If you’re out of practice, there’s no time like today to get started! It’s okay to use short glances, and break away frequently.
  3. Be in close physical proximity – It’s hard to connect with someone when they are across the room from you. Join them at the kitchen table for a few minutes, or sit near them in the den.
  4. Keep conversations brief, and allow for pauses. Don’t forget my tip about 7 minute conversations (Hint: Middle-schoolers and teens typically talk to their parents in 7-minute bursts, with conversations stopping and starting throughout a day)
  5. Make sure to Play - “Play is children’s natural way of recovering from their daily emotional upheavals” – in other words, play is a stress-reliever! Whether it’s a game of catch, a board game or playing outside, it’s a great way to reconnect.
  6. Do a few boring chores – together. Is there a mountain of laundry to be folded? Set the timer for 10 minutes, and fold only until the timer rings. Working alongside someone in the quiet moments, can bring valuable connection.
  7. Daydream with some conversation starters –
    1. If you had $100 to spend any way you wanted, what would you buy?
    2. I wonder what the dog does when we aren’t at home?
    3. If you were going to rearrange the family room, how would you do it?

Try a few, and reconnect with your child. It may be awkward at first,

but You Can Do This!